I know I was angry – but I realized that the more I think how unfair the situation is, the more I sink in to the thoughts of madness. And the more I wanted to be understood, the more I am lead to being misunderstood.
Today, I realized that I must be motivated forward, plan and think forward, and even if I must fail, I must fail forward – thus this should let me love forward without thinking of the past hurts. I was created as I am not because I should be dependent to other people. I am not a support. I am who I should become because of His will and plans for my life.
As the saying goes today, people are seeking happiness and fulfillment – if they are not in your way of happiness, that doesn’t mean you are lost. Happiness should be grown under your feet and not on the way of others. Happiness is the art of creating your own joy. It comes from within and you can only share when you are capable of producing your own one.
Love is never self-seeking. We love not we wish to, but as we can. We don’t love to receive love but because we are created to love that should not ask in return. But we must also learn how to love ourselves first so we won’t lose tract of our real identity and happiness.
I must learn to let go of the things that won’t help me survive this life. If I can’t let go of the relationship, then I must change my attitude. If I can’t let go of the food I love to eat, I must learn how to burn them in digestion. Life is just a matter of perspective and motivation, and knowing God is the master that can control everything.
I must learn how to take things lightly so I don’t carry a burden of too much. I should learn how to cope up and be flexible to things so I won’t get hard times carrying grudges when things aren’t going my way.
Here’s what I really want in life. I wanted to have my own house and car. I want my family to be there – my mom cooking the food for us, my father taking care of the needs of the house, my brother and sisters and I watching a movie.
I want to have a computer shop business where I could manage my own time.
Then, I’d like to have a family of my own – a husband and kids to take care of their needs, to become their partners in their endeavors.
We’ll have enough money to take vacations domestic and abroad. We have blessings to share to others, we go to church every Sunday and have our own personal relationship with God.
So today I must learn the art of love that says in Corinthians. I must acquire knowledge, wisdom and understanding too so that I would become a better person when that time comes. I must learn how things come and go, how situations can vary and how I can adopt to changes.
I am not perfect, but because I have God in me, I can live a good life He has promised me.
(This was written January 11, 2011. Holds true today to post.)