I must admit, I don’t feel cool when I drink. I honestly feel so wasted. But that was the chance for me to feel that so wasted moment and finally get up to move on. It’s like when I come to that point of hang over, I would pray hard and feel that need to not feel that again. To feel that hangover is far more painful than the emotion and I wouldn’t want to feel that again. Some kind of teaching self some lesson.
But hey! I know this isn’t a very accepted reason. I cannot compromise myself to it. I can’t even reason that I’d be a responsible mess cleaner after.
I read in one of Mitch Albom’s book these paragraphs,
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie
Maybe that was a way for me to detach. To pain myself to finally move on. I assume this is a wrong reasoning.